TextYourEx 
The wonder of Christmas includes so many things – it is never just one event. As long as your kids are with you and feel happy and safe, they will have Christmas memories they always cherish. Don’t let ideas of what is ‘perfect’ ruin your mood or create conflict with your Ex.
The holidays come with lots of extra stress! Don’t let your Ex add their difficulties to the season. Learning how to co-parent peacefully is important but don’t let now be that time. Give yourself a break and delegate your stress!
In order to make a better transition from ‘together’ to ‘apart’ and begin to make sense of this new direction your life has taken, tell a story around your journey. Think about who you were, who you want to be, and how you are going to overcome this obstacle to find personal growth and fulfillment. Getting through this hard time automatically makes you a strong, resilient person; someone who can create a new happily ever after and be a hero in their story.
So many times even when we make an effort to get along with an Ex, we can’t break our patterns of communication. We say things and hear things the way we always have. One way to begin better communication is to think about what we want and be direct in saying it. If we can be confident in our request, we create new space to negotiate and come to a mutual resolution where both parties can start to think about things in a more neutral and objective way.
Sometimes we get so locked into how we see the world and the people in our lives it is hard to move forward. If you can focus on your kids and learn to detach from your Ex, you may be able to fully separate from the marriage that was not your life’s true plan. Don’t stay trapped in the same bad marriage after you’re divorced – things can change!
Feeling like you have ‘set time’ with your own children can be a horrible feeling. But the only thing worse than parenting by a detailed schedule is NOT following a set schedule! Following a detailed parenting plan gives your kids the security they need during this tumultuous time and helps limit conflict. Make your parenting plan your top priority!
A Topics List lets you organize your thoughts and goals for what is best for your kids. Unlike just taking notes to prepare for court, this lets you stay organized and gives you perspective, Get a better relationship with your attorney, mediator, Ex and your kids with this one simple tip!
Learning how to transition to a new way of parenting is TOUGH! For your kids, living in two homes can be confusing and difficult. Part of making things easier for your kids is getting along with your co-parent. Part of getting along with your co-parent is reevaluating how you will parent in this new reality. Figuring out what is, and what is not, within your control will help you make the most of every moment you have with your kids. Divorce gives you the opportunity to rethink who you want to be and what it looks like to be the best parent you can be.
The stress of divorce pushes everyone to their very limit and then gives a good shove. Nobody is behaving the way they want to or the way they should. Sometimes a little patience will see you through but, unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there with a high-conflict personality. If you think you might be dealing with an Ex who has a personality disorder, recognizing this will be extremely helpful. You can adjust your approach and expectations and take better control of the situation.
If you truly have a high-conflict Ex, and their behavior is not just due to the stress of the separation, then life will be more difficult. The sooner you can identify their personality and learn coping mechanisms for it, the better. Always keep in mind – better to co-parent with your Ex then to still be married to them! Although it will be difficult, you may need to make a few concessions and be the ‘flexible’ one only for the sake of your children. Therapy is highly recommended for people dealing with any type of high-conflict personalities.
